Perry the Intern
by ShiTiger
Summary: AU.  In a world filled with human scientists, half-animal interns are all the rage.  Cute hybrids, like cats and pandas, are high on the list.  Will Perry, an unwanted platypus-hybrid, ever find a scientist?  Eventual slash: Doofenshmirtz x Perry.
1. The Life of a Platypus hybrid

_**Perry the Intern**_

_**Ch 1: The Life of a Platypus-hybrid **_

_**AU Parallel "Intern" Universe:** This universe is filled with human scientists (not evil really, just creative) and half-human, half-animal hybrids. These hybrids start out as interns until they find a permanent scientist and become Assistants. Perry is not a teen, he's in his 20's._

_{thoughts}_

* * *

Perry was just putting the finishing touches on the last of the storage-room inventory when his current employer's gruff voice echoed down the hall.

'No, I don't want to renew his contract. Why would I want a beaver for an apprentice?'

_{Stupid human. I'm a platypus-hybrid, not a beaver}_

The teal-haired intern sighed, spirits instantly dampened. Life could be quite unfair. Every scientist seemed to want "cute" hybrids. Cats and dogs were a popular choice. Foxes and wolves too. Birds were prized for their wings and beautiful voices. And then there were... pandas. Granted, he really only knew one panda intern, but Peter was just... churrrr. They didn't get along at all.

Pandas were considered rare and highly prized as assistants. Too bad they were stuck up about it. And then came the hybrids at the bottom of the list... beavers and platypi. Sure, both were known for their excellent work ethics, but that wasn't what people wanted apprentices for. Scientists wanted apprentices mostly for show. They could easily hire a human (way cheaper) to do those mundane tasks.

And besides, most people couldn't even tell the difference between a beaver-hybrid and a platypus-hybrid. It's really not that hard! Teal hair and a beaver-like tail means platypus! Not that there was anything wrong with being a beaver or anything. His friend Carl was a beaver. Nicest guy in the world, after Phineas the fox, of course. But then, no one was happier than Phineas.

Perry was pretty used to rejection by now. Nearly 5 years of one-month contracts... no wonder the labs rarely made platypus-hybrids, they never made it past interns.

'Just send me a cute intern. A cat or a duck, maybe. I have an important meeting coming up and I can't bring a beaver intern. That would just be embarrassing...'

The hybrid felt a frown working itself onto his usually emotionless face. And Phineas wondered why he had self-esteem issues. Oh well, another month, another scientist. Eventually the agency would be forced to buy his contract themselves and then he'd work permanently for them. Five years was normally their deadline. Personally, Perry couldn't wait. Working for the agency would be boring and repetitive, but at least he wouldn't have to deal with moody scientists on a daily basis.

'Dr. Bloodpudding, the inventory is completed,' Perry announced, standing at attention in front of the scientist's desk.

'Yes, yes. Leave the list on my desk and go get packed. You're heading back to the Agency,' the red-haired scientist ordered without even looking up.

'Of course, sir,' Perry walked out the door and packed as quickly as he could. Anything was better than another minute working for this idiot.

* * *

The Agency van pulled up, the door shifting open to the side to reveal a few familiar faces.

'Hi Phineas. Hi Pinky,' Perry tossed his bag into the back seat and strapped himself in next to his friends.

'So, how was it?' Pinky asked, brushing his short, pink hair out of his eyes.

'Same old, same old,' the platypus-hybrid commented, leaning his head back against the seat with a sigh.

'I'm sorry, Perry. I'm sure there's a scientist out there for you,' Phineas smiled at his semi-aquatic friend.

Perry and Pinky exchanged a look once their red-haired friend's attention was elsewhere. They were likely thinking the exact same thing.

_{Yeah right}_

* * *

The van pulled up to a small suburban house and Carl turned around to look at them.

'Now don't forget, Phineas. You're this boy's first intern. Try not to overwhelm him,' Carl warned, offering the red fox a smile.

'I just can't help it. I have so many ideas and they get me so excited. Sometimes, I wish I'd been born a human so I could have been a proper scientist instead of just an intern,' Phineas sighed, getting his things together.

'See you after your assignment is over, Phineas,' the hybrids in the van waved as the red-head got out and stepped up to meet his new host family.

'The green-haired boy must be Ferb,' Pinky commented, watching Phineas smile brightly at the human boy.

'A little young to be starting out as a scientist...' Perry observed, the van pulling away into the street.

* * *

'Ahhhh, home sweet home,' Perry relaxed back into his chair at the bottom of the small tube-tub. There were very few perks to being an intern, but this was definitely one of them. The rooms at the agency were designed to match their animal-type. At least here, he was able to just be himself.

...tbc...


	2. A New Assignment

_Perry the Intern_

_Ch 2: A New Assignment_

* * *

'Sorry to cut your vacation short, Intern Perry. We recently had an increase in assignments and this one is right up your alley. When it's done, the Agency is purchasing your contract and I'll make sure you get a week off to make up for missing it,' Mr. Monogram's face popped up on the viewing screen, drawing Perry's immediate attention.

'All right then. What's my assignment?' Perry sighed, slipping out of the tub and grabbing a towel so he could dry off.

'A young lady called and requested an intern for her father, Dr. Heinz _Doofenshmirtz. _He's a local scientist who doesn't have much of a file with us. He had a few interns over the years, then stopped requesting them altogether. Weird. Either way, he's a bit of a recluse inventor and his daughter needs someone to keep him organized and fed while she's away for the month. So, the basics. Organizing, cleaning, cooking... you get the point,' the white-haired man rubbed his mustache and grumbled under his breath.

'I'll do my best, sir,' Perry nodded, already partway through repacking his bag.

'I know you will, Perry. I have complete faith in your abilities,' Monogram smiled before the screen went black.

Surprisingly, Monogram was one of the few humans the hybrid actually liked. He could be a bit rough with Carl, but Perry suspected there was something going on between them. They were both so private about it though. Oh well, none of his business.

* * *

'Oh good, you're here. You must be Perry, the Platypus Intern. I'm Vanessa,' the pretty brunette introduced herself and all but dragged him into the tall purple building.

'Dad's got himself completely absorbed in his latest Inator... again. Here's the guest room. Feel free to make yourself at home. The Agency highly recommended you, so I'm sure you'll do just fine. You don't have to interrupt Dad, but I'd appreciate it if you'd make sure to deliver 3 meals a day to him and help out with organizing his papers and things. I don't think there's anything else. If you need to go out, I've left a key on the counter. Anything you buy, like food or whatnot, can just be billed directly to _Doofenshmirtz _Incorporated.'

The hybrid nodded, listening to the human girl as she gave him a quick tour of the place. At least the guest room seemed clean and orderly, not like the last germ-infested one.

'Now, I do apologize, but I'm in a rush. I have a plane to catch and if I miss it, mom will flip. I've left you my cell number if you need anything. Thanks a lot, Perry-the-Intern, I really appreciate it,' the goth girl rushed out the door with her bags.

Perry glanced around the quiet penthouse...

* * *

'There, my latest Inator is finished. Finally. I wonder what day it is. Oh, and Vanessa left me a sandwich. My daughter is just so thoughtful. Her cooking is getting better too,' Heinz bit into his meal with gusto, leaning back in his chair to look up at his device.

'Is it 9pm already. How time flies,' the scientist picked up his phone and dialed Vanessa's cell, knowing that she'd likely still be out with her cute, little friends.

'Vanessa dear, I just wanted to call and thank you for all your hard work these last two weeks. The storage room looks amazingly organized and your cooking has gotten far better too,' Heinz commented aloud, smiling to himself as he headed down the stairs from his rooftop lab to the main living area of his penthouse suite.

'Dad, I've been on vacation with mom since the beginning of the month,' Vanessa stated.

'Really? But who organized the storage room? And brought my meals everyday? And cleaned the house... wow, it really is clean. I didn't know my rug was that color,' Dr. D observed in amazement, stepping onto the light violet rug at the bottom of the stairs

'Guess that new intern is really working out,' his daughter replied, clearly amused.

'Intern? Vanessa, I've told you before that I'm not comfortable hiring interns,' Heinz commented in a warning tone.

'Yeah, yeah, I know. But I was in a rush and there was no way I'd have time to hire you a human assistant for the month, let alone one that would do all the cooking and cleaning too. So, I called the Agency and had them send over their best worker,' Vanessa explained.

'Did you now...' Heinz wanted to be upset, he really did, but his kitchen was just so shiny and spotless. Oooh, and there was even a piece of cake in the fridge.

'Yeah. I knew you'd be so involved in your latest invention that you'd barely notice I was gone. But, I still worry about you and I wanted to make sure you were eating regular meals and stuff. Looks like the little platypus-intern is doing a great job then,' Vanessa said.

'A platypus-hybrid? That is unusual,' the scientist pulled a fork from a drawer (even the drawers were reorganized!) and slipped it into the moist chocolate dessert.

'He's really cute, too. He's a bit shorter than me and has teal hair just past his shoulders. Oh, and a beaver tail. Doesn't say much either. Must be the strong, silent type. Anyway, I got him set up in the guest room. You should go say hi or something. He probably hasn't had much company the last few weeks,' Vanessa commented before giving her final goodbyes and hanging up.

'Go say hello... well, I guess it couldn't hurt. It's not like I'm going to hire him as an assistant or anything. But he did do an amazing job of cleaning the house and this cake is really tasty,' Heinz mumbled to himself as he finished off his treat.

* * *

Perry was relaxing in his swim trunks, doing his best to enjoy the small bathtub in the guest room. It was just big enough for him to lay down and fully submerse himself under the water. After this month, his own tub was going to feel like a vacation in Hawaii.

Of course, good things just couldn't last. The next thing the platypus-hybrid knew, he was being dragged out of the tub so rapidly that he accidentally gulped down water and found himself choking it out on the floor of the small bathroom.

'Were you trying to kill yourself or something, kid?'

Perry found himself looking up into the eyes of his current employer who was kneeling next to him with a frown on his face.

'What? Why would I be doing that?' Perry managed to gasp, finally getting air back into his lungs.

'You were unconscious and laying at the bottom of the tub,' Heinz pointed out.

'I was RELAXING! I'm a platypus-hybrid. We're semi-aquatic!' Perry shouted, feeling his emotions hurtling toward anger.

'Well, could you not do that in my home? I thought you were drowning,' Heinz flushed and looked away.

'Who do you think you are? I may be an intern, but I have rights too! If you hadn't barged into my room, then we could have just gotten through this month without any incidents,' Perry found his words breaking into churrs by the end. Damn, now he was upset and he just couldn't talk well when he was upset.

'I came in to say hello and thank you for all your hard work, but now...' Heinz found himself yelling back.

Two hard glares matched and held for a moment, before both looked away.

'Well, you're welcome. It wasn't anything special, I was just doing my job,' Perry ground out, feeling embarrassment overwhelming his anger.

'And I was just trying to make sure you were alright,' Heinz commented, rubbing the back of his neck.

The two lapsed into awkward silence.

'Well, I'll just go. I'm sure you're tired and so am I. I guess I'll see you at breakfast tomorrow morning, since I finished my Inator,' the scientist announced, making a quick getaway.

Perry nodded, watching the door shut behind the scientist.

* * *

'Argh! Humans...' Perry churred out his frustration as he dried himself off. Talk about ruining a perfectly good soak.

'Just great. And tomorrow I'll have to eat breakfast with this guy and actually talk to him. Relax Perry, relax. He's just like every other scientist you've worked for. No human is worth getting worked up over. Just relax. This is your last assignment, then you won't have to bother with scientists ever again,' the platypus-hybrid got into a meditative pose and desperately tried to calm himself down to a normal state.

It was just embarrassing how one human could get him worked up like that. Well, not again. No more dramatic episodes. After all, this was just business. Perry refused to let the human man get under his fur like that.

* * *

'That could have gone better. And Vanessa wonders why I refuse to hire interns,' Heinz mumbled aloud as he changed into his purple nightshirt and got into his real bed for the first time in two weeks.

'Once this month is over, that kid's going back to the Agency. I don't care how cute or rare he is. Although, that thin line of teal fur that went from his tail to his mid-back was stroke-able... no, no. If Rodney hears about this, he'll never let me live it down. I refuse to be swayed by chocolate brown eyes or an adorably heated temper... damn,' the scientist groaned, throwing an arm over his eyes.

How did scientists get any work done with those cute little interns? And didn't Rodney say he was thinking of finally settling down with a panda for an assistant?

Heinz rolled over and tried to sleep. Just two more weeks of locking himself into his lab and that intern wouldn't bother him again.

...tbc...


End file.
